A personal sharing here. I attended a Grief Retreat for Clergy last week. People have kindly asked about it, and I’m happy to share some of my experience, especially since I believe as a society, we don’t talk enough about navigating grief.
As many of you know, the last couple of Aprils have been sad for me. My sister died in April 2024, and my mother died this past April, 2025. With both, I was at their deathbeds and was their medical power of attorney, making the difficult end-of-life decisions.
I was aware this summer that the grief over my mother’s death was not hitting in the expected ways that are normally how I experience grief. As I told someone, “I’m not doing grief well in that I’m not doing it at all.” Then a message popped up, letting me know that a retreat for clergy dealing with their own grief was being offered by two of my colleagues I hold in especial esteem. “I think I need to go to this,” I said to my spouse, and he immediately agreed.
I made some TikToks about it, pasted below. The short version is that I found it very helpful. I was able to do some grieving in that space, but more importantly, I was able to come to some conclusions about my path moving forward – namely, to find some time without distraction (e.g. put the phone down) and to relax and let the grief come naturally.
I remain utterly convinced that as a society, we have little architecture in place for a normal, healthy, grieving process. Several years ago, Rabbi Reice told me about the practices that Judaism has for the first year of losing a cardinal relative. One of our members, Ram Santhanam, has shared with me about the Hindu practices in a time of loss. I think it would be better for all of us to develop more.
One practice we have at Live Oak will be happening in December. On Thursday, Dec. 11 at 6:30 pm, we will have our annual “Blue Christmas Vespers.” It is not a heavily attended service but every year, I see it confirmed that those who need to be there really need the service. This year, I’ll be there not just as an officiant, but as a participant.